Thinking about my kigurumi obsession again, and how much it’s anchored in my own struggles with identity. Who am I? And who should I be to others in the world? Like, almost no one in my real life circles knows that I like to pull on a body suit and a plastic mask and cosplay as an anime character, of the opposite gender as my real self. And when I present my kigurumi self to the world, they’re (probably) not aware of my real life self either. I like to keep the two separate. I imagine it will become more difficult to do this if/when I go to more public events, but i’ve never been interested in doing a face reveal on my kigu social accounts. Anyway, anyone with a modicum of detective ability should be able to connect the dots and find out what I actually look like.

But that’s neither here nor there, I guess. I mean, I do have this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that someone somewhere might be angry that I’d presented a version of myself to the world that doesn’t match my real identity. It’s a weird thing to worry about, i guess.

But dammit when I pull on the blorbo suit and see this guy in the mirror and in the photos it gives me a bit of a thrill. More than a bit, actually. It just amuses me that identity and gender can be upended so easily. And I hope it doesn’t come off as deceptive. I don’t want to come accross as that. I want to hink that anyone who has enjoyed my weirdo cosplay wants to share in the pretending.

Where am I going with this? Not sure, really. I just know that pulling on all the kigu gear gets me close to the anime figure I’d wanted to see myself as. And it’s fun. In the same way regular cosplay is fun, but to actually disappear behind the mask so no part of my real life self is visible is such a remarkable, life-changing thing. It’s the death of the self, in service to the creation of a new entity. I’m getting philosophical. I shouldn’t. But I guess that it’s late so my brain is pondering weird thoughts. Ah well.