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bittersweet migraine in my head

bittersweet migraine in my head

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Woke up this morning at my alarm, which was unusual because i usually am able to wake up before it goes off, which was an indication of how frustrating today turned out to be. It was already kind of warm and uncomfortable for me, and when i started doing my normal stretching excercises for my back, i started to get dizzy and winded, which was very unusual for me. I had to go in early for work, so I skipped breakfast (which was probably my first mistake). My second mistake was not eating anything during my break, so by the time i took my lumch break, i was feeling pretty crappy and headachy, and could barely finish eating

I know that certain strong odors can trigger migraines for me, and I can definitely smell wildfire smoke in the air. So I couldn’t even finish my shift today. Had to take off an hour early because I could barely keep my eyes open due to light sensitivity. But at least I did most of what I needed to do anyway. And my boss is very understanding.

Did a struggle meal for dinner (just handfuls of stuff from the fridge, really) and then settled in for an evening of gaming. I’m still excited to explore more in Genshin Impact, and honestly making the Treasure Compasses easier to get and use in the later versions of teh game makes me want to explore more. I’ve garnered a lot of primogems so far and I’m saving up a bunch of Fate for wishes. I don’t really have the need to pull for anyone on the current banners for some reason. Like, Colette isn’t clicking for me for some reason and as much as I think Arlecchino is cool, I don’t feel like trying for her either. So I’m just saving up Fate. I have almost 40, so I’m saving up for when/if they offer up someone I actually want.

I’m still running Chasca as my main DPS, because her ability makes elemental reactions so easy, since her attacks will take on the elements of whomever is in the party and I don’t have to switch anyone out in order to get the reactions on enemies. It makes really quick work of mobs and I can usually do a ton of damage on bossees. But I guess I could try and upgrade Cryo Traveler, but I’m having so much fun with Chasca still. not sure if I want to switch it up.

random stuff:

  • went to go see the Green Day movie (Nimrods) the other day, and it’s a cute little film! I enjoyed it a lot. It’s a nice coming of age comedy about kids who are trying to follow their dreams and the weird shit that happens to them along the way. Lots and lots of Green Day references and Easter eggs. Like, the more you know about how the band came up back in the day, the more fun you’ll have watching the movie. I can’t wait to get it on Blu-Ray so I can watch it over and over, eventually.
  • work tomorrow will be interesting because my manager wants me to learn how to do monthly inventory. He told me i should bring a jacket because we’ll be working in the walk in fridges, just counting stuff. It will also be 90+ degrees F tomorrow, so that will be interesting….
  • I found the weirdest flavor of yogurt at work today. I do like Icelandic Provisions skyr and they put out a cold brew flavor that I had to try. It…wasn’t bad…but of course it had the tartness of yogurt, which made me think that I was tasting bad coffee. Not sure if I’d get it again.
  • I have given up on going to SacAnime in a couple of weeks, but will be going camping instead. I’m a little disappointed that I won’t be able to kig at a con for a while, but I also having been camping in years, so that will be fun too. I kind of wanted to bring Billie along anyway, but it’s going to be at J’s friend’s property up north and I don’t feel comfortable enough about doing it yet. But sometimes I get very jealous of kigs who can go out in nature. It’s a dream, that will proably never get realized. But camping!
Random stuff

Random stuff

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  • I’ve noticed the Amazonification of my workplace more and more. Today I had to do a work training, but it seemed to be a repurposed Amazon training vid with some edits to make it more relevant to people who work at WF. It was rather strange going through it.
  • feeling a little down because I didn’t have my full closing crew with me tonight. A callout meant that someone had to go close the dishroom so i was missing one person, which meant that we all had to do a bit more work. I hate that we have to cut corners every time someone calls out because yes we do need so many people on the crew and if someone ends up missing, it just means one less person who can close up the department. I am grateful that a co-worker (who transferred to another department recently) came to help clean up and close. I guess I’m that awesome that people still want to work with me even after moving on (jk)
  • I’ve been trying to order a new cosplay for my Nagisa kig but have run into issues (because ordering from China has been fucked up for the past year or so because REASONS). I’m just mad that I had to cancel an Ebay order because they couldn’t ship the dang thing to the US. (I also wish they’d mentioned in their listing that they couldn’t ship to the US *sob*) So I now have to seek my dang cosplay elsewhere
  • I had ordered a new itabag directly from Japan through Zenmarket, and it arrived recently, but now I don’t have any idea how to decorate it. It’s a very nice bag. Very stylish. i could put in some random Genshin stuff I had picked up over the past few months I guess, but I want to do something more with it. I shall brainstorm a bit.
  • I was worried about J getting called up for jury duty (because he’s my ride to work) but he ended up not having to go to the courthouse anyway. Hurrah!
tell the story behind the creation and name of your blog

tell the story behind the creation and name of your blog

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It’s not too complicated. My name, plus In Real Life, because this is a personal blog and I’m trying to chronicle things that happen in my real life.

The creation is mostly because I pay for web hosting my boyfriend’s car forum so I decided to install a WordPress blog on the account just so I could get back to journaling, which I had been doing for about 15 years on LiveJournal before a Russian company bought it and I left. It’s still hard going because I had been in a much better headspace when i was younger so i was a lot more introspective (I think?) but now I find it hard to focus on writing. It’s a shame, but taht’s why I’m trying to get back into it.

tell us about your absolutely favorite entertainment media

tell us about your absolutely favorite entertainment media

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It’s hard for me to just pinpoint one piece of entertainment media that will be my absolute favorite. I think I just liked a lot of TV. As an only child I didn’t have many playmates as a kid, so I ended up watching a lot of television. My overprotective parents were fine with this, all the better to keep tabs on me, but i just grew up on a very steady diet of ’70s and ’80s TV.

But I suppose I could get into some of my favorite media right now. Doctor Who, both classic and modern. Anime. Superhero stuff, both Marvel and DC, Star Wars, Star Trek (what’s left of it, anyway). I mostly like hopeful pieces of media that remind me of the good in the world and that people can and should be kind to one another, that bravery is standing up for those less fortunate. That struggles are lessened when shared, that you can find your soul mate somewhere out in the universe, or you could just as well go at it alone and be just as fulfilled. Just…the amazing journey of life, reflected on the TV screen.

10 Random Facts about Me

10 Random Facts about Me

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After finding out about Blaugust I decided to seek out if there were any prompts for blogging during the challenge, and there were a few, so here’s my post based on the prompt:

  1. I was born in Hawaii and grew up there.
  2. I moved to California at the age of 28.
  3. I’m probably a lot older than anyone reading this may realize (unless they know me personally lol)
  4. I am Filipino-American
  5. My favorite band is Green Day
  6. I wear glasses
  7. I didn’t like Dr. Pepper growing up but now it’s one of my favorite drinks
  8. I taught myself how to sew strictly because of cosplay
  9. I work at a grocery store
  10. I still have a small pillow my mom sewed for me when I was young

the loneliness of the long-distance kigu

the loneliness of the long-distance kigu

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It starts in the bathroom, as with so many other things. A clearing of sorts. Towels pulled from racks and placed out of frame. Clothing hung from hangers. A last second choice that amuses. Another outfit pulled from a rack and brought in the room.

The next steps are careful, almost reverent. A folded up hadatai is removed from its box. A mask as well. Movements are swift but smooth. Regular clothes are stripped away, almost down to bare skin. A singular piece of shapewear, a binder or sometimes a sports bra, is pulled over the chest to smooth out curves. But sometimes there is nothing between the real skin and the second skin. The ritual starts at the head. The hood section is pulled over and arranged to cover everything except the eyes. Nose and mouth disappear under fabric. Then comes the awareness of breath. Its warmth. Its rhythm. It will be a constant companion, a reminder of the real self.

Then the arms slip in, all the way to the fingertips. Once the arms are covered, the transformation really begins. It is all the eyes see now. Fabric skin. Fabric arms. Fabric hands. This hadatai has a crotch zipper, not a back zipper. So the feet must be enclosed now. It is, at times, a struggle. Sitting on the cold floor of a bathroom, contorting to fit. One foot. The other. Then fabric fingers clumsily pinch at the zipper pull. One hand stretches the hadatai while the other drags the zipper along its path. One side up to the crotch. The other side, with its own pull. The tiny, dangling pulls meet at the middle. Body fully enclosed now.

Now the dress-up begins. Pants, shirt, clumsily knotting a tie around the neck, all alone, all with dulled sense of touch through spandex-covered fingers. Done.

Finally. Finally. The mask. The bangs are removed. They’re magnetic. They hide the hinge of the mask. Unclasping the sides. With this style of mask, it feels less like putting it on, and more like shutting one’s head inside. Blindness, but not darkness. Adjust the fit until line of sight is met, through the eyebrow slits of the mask. It is barely enough to see. No peripheral vision. Like blinders, vision is forced to see just what is directly in front. The bangs go back on the mask.

Breathing.

The camera is finicky with fabric fingers. But video makes it easier to get decent shots later. There’s also a mirror, and peeking at it reveals an anime character, that moves as you do. It’s always surprising, no matter how often this happens. The first look in the mirror will always surprise and amuse and thrill. And the temptation is there, to challenge how long to exist as this. It’s a wish. It’s a promise. It’s a bond.

It’s a bond.

Eventually, always too soon, the ritual begins again, in reverse. Mask is taken off, and then scrutinized. A custom piece of wearable art. It demands upkeep. Flyaway strands of the wig require reshaping. That will happen later. Again, the promise. Clothing is removes and arranged back on their hangers and in their place on the rack. The hadatai is removed, carefully, ever so carefully. Fingertips are checked for dinginess or damage. It’s probably time for a wash.

All is cleared up, as if it were never there in the first place.

But yes, there’s video. There’s proof of existence, even if no one else is around when it happens.

I was there.

A case of the NDs

A case of the NDs

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I know it’s nothing but armchair diagnosis and I’ve been known to attach myself to certain labels that are trendy in the past, but I keep seeing things on social media that suggest that all the strange things my brain does are probably the result of some sort of neurodivergence? I don’t know. I’ve taken these are you autistic online tests along with ADHD tests and I never come out of them feeling like I belong to those groups either. But there are posts about how songs get stuck in people’s heads for weeks and that’s a sign of ADHD or whatever. And while I’d like to see a reason why I’m Like This, I don’t know if knowing the reason will do anything for me anyway? Because I’ve survived with my brain for 50+ years now and while it’s been a struggle most of the time, now I think I’ve aged out of caring about how people perceive me?

I bolted myself to the “introvert” banner for so long, and now it seems like my hate for social interaction, for small talk, for freaking out when spoken to and not knowing what to say, for not even wanting to talk in the first place, that awkwardness, it could all just be the ’tism? And that because women are often not diagnosed while still girls, we grew up having to mask and pretend to be “normal” and struggle to be like everyone else.

I’ve seen it suggested that a high percentage of kigus are autistic. And I don’t exactly know the reason for that. Maybe it’s because there are set rules for interacting with kigs and also acting as a kig and that’s comforting. Or maybe, as in my case, it’s the old reliable “well I cannot human today…time to be plastic” thought. Which I will admit to daydreaming about when things get too stressful at work. I just imaging my little kig guy dealing with the same issues and I feel better, somehow. Like seeing things happening from a different perspective helps. Again, not sure why.

Can one have just the slightest tendencies to ADHD? Or are ADHD behaviors just more common among the general population? Because I don’t like what the testing says but the memes sure speak to me.

credit where credit’s due

credit where credit’s due

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I did something at work last night that i had intended to do for a while but I finally had time for it. I filled out compliment cards for my closing crew guys, who do the hard job of shutting it all down while I’m stuck in the office doing the admin/inventory things I have to do instead of being at the front of house. I don’t prefer one over the other. i just became the default person for computer stuff because I’m familiar enough with Excel and am not afraid to break it sometimes in order to force it to do what I want it to do. Everyone else is either older or younger than me, but it seems like my GenX knowledge of all things technical is worth something. But yes, I really wanted to give a shout out to my guys because they are the best.

Also I’m struggling a little with finding the perfect hole-in-the-wall Korean spot ever since my favorite one closed, as the owner wanted to retire. There’s another restaurant opening in the same spot eventually, but I know it won’t be the same. I don’t know how the restaurant managed to have both quality and value in their menu, but I wonder if something went wrong with this so that necessitated the closure? I don’t know. I just find everything so expensive now. Dining out is one of my great pleasures in life and when COVID hit and everything shut down, I felt like a big part of me shut down with it. I was happy that all of my favorite places survived the pandemic, though. But it seems like I can’t find a replacement, or some savvy folks are gatekeeping the best one from me. I might have to start deciding whether to begin making kalbi for myself. I mean, there is an H Mart relatively close by now.

television dreams of tomorrow

television dreams of tomorrow

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I always look forward to my weekend because I can finally catch up on television that I’ve missed out on by not watching it throughout the week. Honestly, since I close most of the time, I spend my mornings sleeping in so I don’t really have time to catch up on shows, so I use my weekend for that. However, I have such a terrible memory sometimes that I don’t even remember what I’m supposed to be watching. It took me weeks to recall that I still hadn’t finished the Chihayafuru live-action sequel (Full Circle).

I used to be able to keep track of these things by writing up short reactions to what i watched, but now sometimes I can’t even muster that much energy to do so. But since I’m going back to blogging daily, maybe I’ll go back to that too. Anyway, here’s a rundown of what I’ve been watching lately:

Chihayafuru: Full Circle – More karuta shenanigans, this time in live action.

My Adventures with Superman – This might be my favorite iteration of the Clark/Lois relationship?

Nippon Sengoku – really striking and eyecatching designs and i love this take on an alternate Japan future that mirrors the earlier Sengoku era, for all my Shogun/Game of Thrones/Legend of Galactic Heroes feels

I would like to start Silo and Ted Lasso this weekend as well. We’ll see how taht goes, particularly since Genshin Impact is launching version 7.0 soon as well, so I will also be attempting to get through all that new content. Luckily I have a PS Portal so I can watching things on the big tv while gaming on the Portal. One of the best things I’ve ever bought tbh.